Excuse me while I bang my head on the desk in frustration. There is a reason mother birds push there young out of the nest. I thought he had finally figured things out, started to mature and make his way. Last night I knew I was wrong. Turning a year older only made it legal for him to do some of the things he does. In the eyes of the law he is a man. As his mother, I beg to differ. Being the single parent of "Ruprick the Monkey Boy" has been the hardest, most challenging, learning curve of my life.
I thought the fog had lifted and we had smooth sailing ahead. It was only the calm before the storm. Having a license to do something does not mean you actually know how to handle it. Taking his time to learn how to walk and talk, Man Cub has been in a rush to try anything and everything since then and pretty much has. As a parent, Man Cub has forced me to learn and be aware of things I never thought possible. He loves to teach me life lessons at 3 am. Phone calls in the middle of the night, field trips to police stations and emergency room visits has occupied my evenings for the last five years. My cable service provider doesn't have as many dramas as I do.
Then it all seemed to stop, things were quiet. Man Cub seemed to be looking toward his future, making plans and acting sensible. I stopped clenching my jaw and taking the phone to bed. The neighbours stopped seeing red flashing lights in my driveway. Relaxed and proud I bragged about the changes, and voiced my heavy sighs of relief. We had made it through the storm and survived all the crashing waves and dusted off the "home sweet home" sign. I should have kept my big mouth shut.
The "birth" day finally arrived and Man Cub took it in stride. He seemed pretty level headed as he made his plans and headed out the door.I went off calmly to a friends for dinner. Still I was like Miss Clavel in Madeline..In the back of my mind I couldn't get rid of the lingering feeling "something was not quite right". I pushed the feeling aside and told myself that it was just a flash back and relax and enjoy my evening. Which I did.
Later all settled in bed I was mulling over my evening and smiled to myself. I am so glad all that was behind us...can't believe he is so grown up, and I drifted off to sleep. The phone rang at 1 am and marathon began. Rushing out in the middle of the night..my only thought was to retrieve him. Like a mother lion, I just wanted to protect my young. He was stranded and lost and needed help. Old habits are hard to break. With out going into details, the evening became a chaotic mess. One word of advice, never asked a drunk person directions, they will totally lead you astray. So there I was in the wrong place at the really wrong time. An ungodly hour searching for a ungrateful child who forgot to charge their cell phone.
Panic and frustration took over. Once you have had a tragedy in your life you tend to see all things ending that way. It is something I have to work on and live with. Last night I gave into my fears as I was driving around strange streets and undiscovered territories. Man Cub was lost in the big city and no good would come of it. I was devastated. Finally after what seemed forever and half a tank of gas..Man Cub made contact and he was not a happy camper. He was not anywhere close to where he told me to be and yet it some how became my fault and he told me in no uncertain terms. He claimed to have been calling and calling yet my phone never rang.
He started in on me the moment I finally located him and ranted and raved. At first I was just so thankful he was alright, I drove in silence. He passed out very soon after we left the city and I watched him fall slightly forward. With one eye on the road and the other on him...I studied this strange alien that had replaced my once fat faced smiling boy and I let go. I can't do this anymore, Man Cub is on his own. Time for him to fall or fly.
When we finally made it home I listened to all the verbal abuse left for me on my answering machine. Seems in his drunken stupor Man Cub called my home number instead of my cell. This only confirmed my decision. He will have to fix his own messes, my job is done. I have given all I can and passed on what I know the rest is up to him.