Excuse me while I bang my head on the desk in frustration. There is a reason mother birds push there young out of the nest. I thought he had finally figured things out, started to mature and make his way. Last night I knew I was wrong. Turning a year older only made it legal for him to do some of the things he does. In the eyes of the law he is a man. As his mother, I beg to differ. Being the single parent of "Ruprick the Monkey Boy" has been the hardest, most challenging, learning curve of my life.
I thought the fog had lifted and we had smooth sailing ahead. It was only the calm before the storm. Having a license to do something does not mean you actually know how to handle it. Taking his time to learn how to walk and talk, Man Cub has been in a rush to try anything and everything since then and pretty much has. As a parent, Man Cub has forced me to learn and be aware of things I never thought possible. He loves to teach me life lessons at 3 am. Phone calls in the middle of the night, field trips to police stations and emergency room visits has occupied my evenings for the last five years. My cable service provider doesn't have as many dramas as I do.
Then it all seemed to stop, things were quiet. Man Cub seemed to be looking toward his future, making plans and acting sensible. I stopped clenching my jaw and taking the phone to bed. The neighbours stopped seeing red flashing lights in my driveway. Relaxed and proud I bragged about the changes, and voiced my heavy sighs of relief. We had made it through the storm and survived all the crashing waves and dusted off the "home sweet home" sign. I should have kept my big mouth shut.
The "birth" day finally arrived and Man Cub took it in stride. He seemed pretty level headed as he made his plans and headed out the door.I went off calmly to a friends for dinner. Still I was like Miss Clavel in Madeline..In the back of my mind I couldn't get rid of the lingering feeling "something was not quite right". I pushed the feeling aside and told myself that it was just a flash back and relax and enjoy my evening. Which I did.
Later all settled in bed I was mulling over my evening and smiled to myself. I am so glad all that was behind us...can't believe he is so grown up, and I drifted off to sleep. The phone rang at 1 am and marathon began. Rushing out in the middle of the night..my only thought was to retrieve him. Like a mother lion, I just wanted to protect my young. He was stranded and lost and needed help. Old habits are hard to break. With out going into details, the evening became a chaotic mess. One word of advice, never asked a drunk person directions, they will totally lead you astray. So there I was in the wrong place at the really wrong time. An ungodly hour searching for a ungrateful child who forgot to charge their cell phone.
Panic and frustration took over. Once you have had a tragedy in your life you tend to see all things ending that way. It is something I have to work on and live with. Last night I gave into my fears as I was driving around strange streets and undiscovered territories. Man Cub was lost in the big city and no good would come of it. I was devastated. Finally after what seemed forever and half a tank of gas..Man Cub made contact and he was not a happy camper. He was not anywhere close to where he told me to be and yet it some how became my fault and he told me in no uncertain terms. He claimed to have been calling and calling yet my phone never rang.
He started in on me the moment I finally located him and ranted and raved. At first I was just so thankful he was alright, I drove in silence. He passed out very soon after we left the city and I watched him fall slightly forward. With one eye on the road and the other on him...I studied this strange alien that had replaced my once fat faced smiling boy and I let go. I can't do this anymore, Man Cub is on his own. Time for him to fall or fly.
When we finally made it home I listened to all the verbal abuse left for me on my answering machine. Seems in his drunken stupor Man Cub called my home number instead of my cell. This only confirmed my decision. He will have to fix his own messes, my job is done. I have given all I can and passed on what I know the rest is up to him.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I have days and days of sleep to catch up on. I can't function properly and I am getting farther and farther behind. The last few weeks have been busy and the stress load is reaching volcanic levels. I am running out of time, inspiration and all around Joie de Vivre.
My time is being demanded by more and more individuals and I have nothing left to give. The weather here has been awesome and I feel guilty for not taking advantage of this time to work outdoors enough. The shop is stacked with things to sort and sand, crack and phil. I need to get something done. I have had company and the house is a mess and theres been little time to paint...my canvas sits and gather dust. I have clients to visit, photos to upload, bills to pay and furniture to list. Grocery shopping is now a huge chore and I am walking in circles. I am not some one you should come to ask for advice right now, deciding what to have for dinner is more then I can handle. Some days all I get done is laundry and some days I don't. I tried painting yesterday and spent so much time redoing something that before I would have been able to capture right away. I feel the hours are wasted as now I hate the results. As in all trials in my life I try to look at things with humor and see the bright side to the life around me. This is what I learned while the rest of the world is sleeping.
I have 3 small cracks in my ceiling.
I think my little dog can snore louder then a 747
Alcohol before bed does not help you sleep..you just have to get up and pee.
They play Harrison Ford Movies back to back on late night TV.
Your furniture jumps out and attacks you while walking around in the dark and leaves ugly bruises in odd places.
Your credit card can get declined at any hour.
Vacuuming at 3 am is clothing optional.
I thought I would surf the internet for a solution for my sleep problem. You would be amazed how typing the word sleep in to Google all the strange and wonderful place it can take you.
YouTube provided the best result so far...desperate times calls for desperate measures.
Don't forget to kill the music at the bottom of the page before playing this clip
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Back ground of new canvas
Today we finally got some up beat news from the doctors and I felt like painting again. I think I had been holding my breath for a week ..my body is so tired, but I am sooooo glad to be painting again.I dragged out a canvas, threw on the tunes and started to play. It felt great...I think the painters block is finally gone. I felt like playing with textures and patterns. Some times for me the best part is the back grounds and they add a whole new mood to a painting.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I have had a rather hectic weekend and not around the computer as much. Trying to squeeze in as much outdoor activity's while the weather is still warm and sunny. I found some wonderful treasures this week and am very excited about up coming projects...my brains a buzzing. Until then I will leave you with a little vignette I created...I just adore photoshop. Don't you? Enjoy your weekend.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I have become a runner. When you see those long legged athletes along the road running in their stylish outfits and looking uber fit as they make it all look so easy..do not think of me.
I am not an attractive runner and some may not call what I do running..LOL. I huff and puff along in my stretch pants and unmatched shirt, my hair ends up looking like I have been hanging out in a wax factory and my face is blotchy and red..but I don't care.
I get up and force myself to get out the door and start with a brisk walk and attempt to run. My back aches, my muscles are stiff and my baby toe has a rather ugly blister on it. Still I have a large grin on my face and a lot more energy. I have a long way to go and I will.
While sitting at my daughters hospital bedside all those months I would daydream about running...I am sure it was my minds way of escaping my life. I started to have dreams about running, but still I didn't do anything about it. I shoved it away and life past by. My BFF was a marathon runner..I even went and watched her from the side lines and told myself next year..I will join her, but I never did. Then about a year ago, she too was in a horrible car accident. She wasn't supposed to survive, but she did. She has fought to get better and shes getting there.. but her running days are over(only for now, I hope) She misses it...shes sad. I would dream I was running with my friend and tried to cheer her up.
When we got the news of my fathers illness the other day..it took me back to my daughters accident. Seeing her struggle to get better and of her living with pain and fighting just to move. Those feelings of day in and day out of hospital life. That feeling of just sitting and waiting for something to change. Of seeing my once healthy friend sitting in a wheel chair..and I was embarrassed and angry. I was lazy and have taken a healthy body for granted. Something inside me snapped.
So now I run, I run for my daughter, I run for my friend, I run for my dad. I run for my other friend with cancer who has been to weak to get up and move. I run for the people in the hospitals and in wheel chairs...the bed ridden. I am not going to change any thing. I am not a do gooder. These people don't know about me. The only thing I wish would be that some healthy people read this and get up and move for some one they love. You will feel better for it and we should all appreciate the bodies we have.
I couldn't find anything about running that inspired me at this moment...but I did find this cute video about a guy named Matt who danced all over the world. He's no Michael Jackson and he hasn't learned a new step, but he has a great smile and people couldn't help but get up and dance with him So if your not into running, perhaps you can get up and dance..Dance like no one is watching( and then your friends will post it on YouTube).Just get up and move.
The photos were taken with my cell phone...so the quality is not good. But I was out on a run and thought how lucky I am to live here. Enjoy
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Lets talk pink...
I like to paint with shades of pink....
Sweet and pink is how I like my drink
Every one loves Lucy when she is covered in pink...
A pink table setting is really quite swell...
Yes pink is a color I can't live with out
Monday, September 7, 2009
When I first saw Sofia Coppola's movie Marie Antoinette I fell in love with the costumes and scenery. The movie is pure magic to look at and must have been a set directors dream to create.
Since I was unable to visit Versailles on my first visit to Paris I made sure it was first on the agenda on my second. Seeing the movie made me want to go there even more. I became a bit obsessed with the images and books on her. I went and visit this last April and snapped some photos and collected a few touristy things while I was there.
I have to admit that I was disappointed by the stuff for sale there after seeing the movie. I mean come on people jump on the band wagon...there is so much more they could have done. The fun I could have had if I was given free reign to be on the marketing team.Of course there was note pads and pencils, shirts the regular tourist things. But the few things I did buy were pretty basic.
This little silk bag is sweet but the images are the only reason I bought it. I purchased the perfume for myself and others. I really wanted a fan and was terribly disappointed with the only one I could find. It's print is so light you can barely see it. I also bought the pill box included in the photo
I had to have the music box...
While rummage around in a thrift store this week I found a basic yellow fan and decided to create my own funny little fan. It was a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.
I found this little coach a few weeks back at a street fair..thought it looked like something she would ride in.
While I am at it I may as well show you these slippers I found in the 'Carousel de Louvre' ..I had to have them as they reminded me of some of the wonderful shoes she wore.
Since I couldn't find any of the high fancy ones that she wore. I will just have to make some. Until then.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
My little house smells of sweet peaches. Today I picked all I could off my little tree. For some reason this year I had a ton of growth and got lots of fruit. Sorry to say most were on the ground, all sad and bruised. My peaches were small and very juicy (I know that so doesn't sound right for some people..but I mean just what I say..nothing x-rated) I got so excited by my little bundle of sweetness that I forgot to take pics but I remembered before a few pathetic little ones were left to peel in the sink.
I made a yummy crisp with some and froze the rest. I love the smell of fresh baked treats in the house and the oven heat only made them smell even better. The aroma of sugar and cinnamon is incredible mixed in with the peaches.
It takes me back to the markets of Nice with all the smells of flowers and spices and fresh fruit in the air. One of my favorite places in Nice.
I love the way my house smells and wanted to keep it that way. So I lite a peach smelling incense.
It was a perfect end of summer night...a tiny cool breeze flows in the open door. My new patio looks very inviting ..so I moved my little party for one outside and reflected on the last week.
We have been through a lot in the last few days. The news about my dad has taken it's toll and we are only at the beginning of a very hard journey. Tomorrow is another day...but for right now, life is good.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Today things went from bad to worse. I woke up still having the headache and felt lousy. This is not like me, I am hardly sick. The phone started ringing early and the news wasn't good. My dads health issues are now thought to be worse then we originally were told and everyone is upset and needed to vent. We hardly had time to find out he is sick and process that and now things have escalated in less then 24 hours..life just bites sometimes!:(
I am angry and upset...well we all are. But for some reason I got really mad and then I wanted comfort. I wanted something sweet and all I could think about was a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato..I needed to get out of this house and get away from the phone. I threw my cell phone on vibrate..screen my calls I guess and headed out the door.
Well it worked...funny thing is I finally got rid of the headache. Kind of crazy because I am not a Starbucks nut. I do it so seldom..but it really works.
As the day wore on I ended up running to Vancouver with my sister for a quick trip. Lets get real, for us Islanders to go to Vancouver it's never a quick trip. But we sailed over and dropped off the parcel and came right back. It was a beautiful night for a sail and the ferry wasn't crowded, just nice and relaxing. We laughed and giggle and read trashy magazines...The gospel according to US
Kind of put the heavy stuff away for a bit. We will have it all to deal with tomorrow so for one night it was nice to forget. I didn't take a lot of pictures but managed a few. I also got some sketching done for future projects so the day wasn't a total waste.
My sis trying to looking like a tourist.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I still don't feel well today...All the sneezing has stopped and is now replaced with a killer headache. I lay down for awhile to see if I can get rid of it...but no such luck. Already feeling down I then get a phone call to say my dad has gotten the results of his recent test and now faces a serious health issue. I kind of expected it but when you hear it confirmed...it's just so hard to take. My dad is the worst for going to the doctor and now will have to deal with them a lot. Hard days ahead for our family. So I am in a blue mood.
Since I am in such a blue mood I thought I would post pics of different shades of blue in my home and studio. Little things I painted or made, displayed. It's hard to be creative when your down but for me arranging little vignettes is a pure stress reducer and for a few minutes you forget the world around you. I hope tomorrow is a better one...Enjoy
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I feel lousy...I have a head cold and achy body. I think I got it from my friends 2 year old who been running a cold and fever. Little bugger is to darn cute and you can't help snuggling him...I will think again next time.
Being completely miserable and feeling sorry for myself I have been sitting quiet and not moving around much. I stitched this little hanging for a vintage hoop I discovered in the hospital auxiliary for a quarter. It's perfect for my little Eiffel Tower and a bit of buttons and black ribbon. Plus it blends with all the other frames on my gallery wall. I love to stitch, I just don't get to do it very often. But there is something so fulfilling in threading the needle and building a little picture out of a few stitches.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
It's summer here on the west coast and it's been a great one. I spend alot of time out doors and am not around much. Warm weather brings changes in the day to day routine. Long evenings outside enjoying my new patio and gossiping with friends by candle light. Lazy afternoons floating in the pool and snoozing on the chaise. This is what summer means to me. I tend to do alot of quick little projects and store up on furniture and treasure for projects when I am inside more.
Even though my schedule has changed that doesn't make me less creative. I make quick little projects and always have something going. My house is really warm in the summer so my doors and windows are always open. I stand at my work counter and glue, paste, paint and chip away at my vintage treasures. I love to add found objects or just any old thing I have around. Todays inspiration was a little bird singing on the fence.
I listened to him as I was sorting through all the beautiful papers I have. I thought this would make a great memo holder for a recipe card. I made cupcakes the other day and it would have been nice to have one of these to hold my recipe while I worked.
These quick little projects are so much fun and take me away to a peaceful time. As always birds play a big part in my work, I truly love them. I did this piece a few weeks ago and it sold right away. Seems birds are a favorite of everyone.